Mama Musings on A Celebration of Five

My youngest, the baby, the kiddo, boy, buddy, and bubby is five years old today. This is the one who still snuggles me, loves things and people unconditionally, shows every known emotion, and knows how to fib to get an extra treat (or, to get out of eating a fruit or vegetable).

Regular conversations with me go something like this: "Mama, pretend I'm your baby." "You are my Baby," I always reply. "Mama, pretend I am your newborn baby" "Ok" after which I always do an exaggerated "Come here baby, how's the baby?" and tickle his tummy so he'll finish our turn-taking roles and giggle, then sleepily close his eyes for a baby nod-off.

Where have the five years since his birth gone? Well, in the past year, our moments have been spent at soccer, baseball, and basketball practices. Playroom hockey and football scrimmages, playing cowboys and being ninjas. Lots of play fighting as pirates (but never meanly), lots of answering what [fill-in-the-blank word] means and playing "Ask a Hundred Questions" (our version of 20 Questions); multiple debates about the qualitative difference between "light savers" and "light sabers" and arguing about wearing shorts in 20 degree weather. Along with writing his name, learning math in everyday life, leading rock group sing-alongs, and running. Always running, racing, daring this Mama to follow, keep up and try to catch him!!!!!!

Oh my boy, today I muse about how wonderfully smart and engaging you are; how easily popular you are, even when you are shy in the mornings. I get to have this amazing child love me and ask me to be Anakin or Luke; cowboy camp director, or an NHL player on a daily basis. I get to be the recipient of kisses and hugs that have no hesitation or embarrassment. In fact, he just said this: "I'll never let you
go. Mama, this might be kind of sad, but I'll let you go only when you are dead." You see? This child....FIVE today, and so loving, so thoughtful, like an old soul who knows that those we love are worth holding on to.

And, as for me, I genuinely see these are special days. I know I am lucky. That, and knowing how fast your childhood is moving brings the tears. Kid, it's like the peed of light. Really peedy (and because you still cannot say your s-consonent words, that means speedy in this family). Oh, and, you drive me nuts. Yes, you do, with incessant requests which you repeat despite my replies. With your tenacity and persistence that literally tire me out. And sarcasm, already. You take work and energy that I simply run out of some days. And since I tell you so, it makes your invites to lay down to read all the more sweet; the "Want a kiss?" questions that much more precious. And here is a truth that you and I know: You don't take it personally. You laugh. You smile. You try to make me happy. And that, my son, is why you have my heart. And why, when you silently walked away crying tonight when you thought you could not have a full ice cream cake, your whole family tried to fix the problem. And, when we did fix the problem, your happiness made us happy. You have the most infectious laugh of anyone I know. Anyone.

When I asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, you answered "everything." Then, when I told you what stand-up comedians do, you said you wanted to be a "stand up chameleon." We all laughed, and you were then convinced, stand up chameleon, now that is a great aspiration.

Jackson Caulfield, you make me a better person with your love. Today has been a great Celebration of Five. I hope we are always playing, singing, debating, and laughing together. I loved you then, I love you still, Always have, Always will. And...I've loved you longer, Mama